Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
