so explain again why im purple
no
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You made out with two different species that night
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
