if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
