I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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