New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
