Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
