you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
