There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
