That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
