I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
