Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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