Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
