im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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