I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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