My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
