She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
