I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
