You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize