i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
