Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
