Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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