This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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