and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
