woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
