My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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