Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.

Fav 11 859 3014
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(937): View more from Ohio

I forgot how hot balto sounded

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(912): View more from Georgia

you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?

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(206): View more from Washington

I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill

Fav 23 5824 850
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them

Fav 41 4506 1860
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(503): View more from Oregon

Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal

Fav 13 7714 1913
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.

Fav 4 1181 521
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(505): View more from New Mexico

Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are

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