The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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