i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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