whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
