her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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