So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
