i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
