I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
this hospital has no fireball
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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