Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
