just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
