pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
