we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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