Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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