I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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