3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
