How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
