just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize