I'm eating all of the evidence.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
