My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
