I wanna bring you to show and tell
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Less talking, more tequila
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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