in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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