I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
