turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
