Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
