I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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