i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
