Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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