omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
