I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I cannot find my penis.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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