I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
