I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
