her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
