The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
