I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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