So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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