you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
