6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize