I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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