I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
