dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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