i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
