Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
