I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
