dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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