No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
