the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
