apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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