I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
