Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
