I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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