I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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