you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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