She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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