So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
