I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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