When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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