Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
