Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
