My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Quick, to the slutcave!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
