u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
