I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
