Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
