Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
