dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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