Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just had sex on a roof
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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