"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I enjoy the company of your penis
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
