so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i now understand why vodka
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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