Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
