I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
