Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
no you cant smoke seaweed
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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