I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
