1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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